"How Do I Deal With A Drunk Parent?"

On occasion, I get contacted by people asking for advice.  This was a piece of advice that I wanted to share - something that I hope will help people in this situation.

"How do I deal with a drunk parent?"

           

I'm sorry to hear about your situation.  I know how you feel.  My dad was an alcoholic, and drank the entire time that I was growing up.

The first thing I must emphasize is that this situation is not your fault.  Never take the blame for your parents' drinking, no matter what they might say.  You are responsible for your own actions, and they are responsible for theirs.  Their drinking is their choice.

Secondly, if you are in a situation where a drunk parent is acting violent and physically assaulting you or anyone in your family, you need to get help.  If you are being abused, tell someone - a teacher, counselor, law enforcement, etc.  If your parent is drunk, behaving violently and you have reason to believe that they are at risk of physically harming themselves or someone in your family, call 911. 

Some other tips I can offer: If you're under 18 and living at home with your parents, and they drink often, try to get out of the house as much as possible, with their awareness and permission.  Join some extracurricular activities at school or in the community - sports, music, art, theater, etc.  Either that, or if you're old enough to work, try getting a part time job after school or on the weekends to keep busy.  For me, keeping busy at school and participating in a lot of after school activities greatly relieved the stresses of my home life.

If you have to be at home with a drunk parent and can't leave, try going to your room and just waiting it out.  Listen to music, read books, do something constructive.  If for some reason they compel you to be in the same room as them when they're drunk, the response can vary based on the situation.  As I said before, if they're being violent and physically abusing you, you need to get help from someone outside of your family.  If they're not being physically violent, my suggestion is just to wait it out until you can excuse yourself to your room.  Talking to someone who is drunk, trying to reason with them, usually doesn't work. 

In situations like this, it's tempting to just give up on everything and adopt a rebellious, nihilistic view of things.  Some young people often turn to drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, getting into trouble at school, etc. to ease the tension of their home life.  I wouldn't recommend that.  It really doesn't solve or change anything.  What I would recommend is that you do the best you can in school, learn as much as you can and take care of yourself, so that you can get a good education and a job later in life.  It is possible to rise above extremely difficult circumstances to have a prosperous, fulfilling life.

Being the child of an alcoholic/drug user can be incredibly difficult.  What you need to know is that you matter and that you are loved.  "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me" (Psalm 27:10, NIV).  Despite our trials and problems in this life, God will never leave us (Hebrews 13:5).  "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" (Psalm 34:18).  Hang in there, and take good care of yourself.  It gets easier when you grow up and leave home.  It just takes time.     

A message to kids who are being abused / who have been abused: Hang in there.  Cut the abuser out of your life completely as soon as you’re able to do so.  Feed your soul as often as you can.  You can have some happiness in the midst of abuse until you are finally able to leave.  And when you do, run after that happiness with all of your might.